May I have your attention, please? May I have your attention, please? Will the real Slim Shady please stand up? I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up? We're gonna have a problem here. Y'all act like you've never seen a white person before Jaws all on the floor like Pam and Tommy just burst in the door They started whoopin' her ass first and before They first were divorced, sewin' her over furniture It's the return of the- Aw, wait, no, wait, you're kidding He didn't just say what I think he did, did he? And Dr. Dre said, Nothing, you idiots, Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement Feminist women love him and him Chicka, chicka, chicka, Slim Shady, I'm sick of him Look at him, walkin' around, grabbin' his you-know-what Flippin' a you-know-who Yeah, but he's so cute, though Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose But no worse than what's goin' on in your parents' bedrooms Sometimes I wanna get on TV and just let loose But can't, but it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss And that's the message that we deliver to little kids And expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is Of course they're gonna know what intercourse is By the time they hit fourth grade They got the Discovery Channel, don't they? We ain't nothin' but mammals Well, some of us cannibals Who cut other people open like cantaloupes But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote Women, wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus, and it goes I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real shady Yes, I'm the real shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up? Please stand up, please stand up Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up? Please stand up, please stand up Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell records Well, I do, so *** him and *** you too You think I give a damn about a Grammy? Half of you critics can't even stomach me Let alone stand me But Slim, what if you win? Wouldn't it be weird? Why? So you guys can just lie to get me here So you can sit me here next to Britney Spears? And Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs So I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst And hear him argue over who she gave head to first Little bitch put me on blast on MTV Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Kim I should download her audio on MP3 And show the whole world how you gave him an MVD I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups All you do is annoy me So I have been sitting here to destroy you And there's a million of us just like me Who cuss like me? Who just don't give a *** like me? Who dress like me? Walk, talk and act like me? And just might be the next best thing but not quite me I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up? Please stand up. Please stand up cause I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up? Please stand up. Please stand up I'm like a hedge-whip to listen to Cause I'm only giving you things You joke about with your friends Inside your living room, the only difference is I got the balls to say it in front of y'all And I don't gotta be false or sugar-coated at all I just get on a mic and spit it And whether you like to admit it I just *** it better than 90% of you rappers outkin Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like Valiums? It's funny, cause at the rate I'm going when I'm 30 I'll be the only person in a nursing home flirting Bitch, a nurse's ass is what I'm jacking off of Jurgens and I'm jerking But this whole back of Viagra isn't working And every single person is a Slim Shady lurking He could be working at Burger King, spitting on your onion rings Or in the parking lot circling, screaming I don't give a *** With his windows down and his system up So will the real Shady please stand up And put one of those fingers on each hand up And be proud to be out of your mind and out of control And one more time, loud as you can, how does it go? I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up Please stand up, please stand up Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up Please stand up, please stand up Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up Please stand up, please stand up Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up Please stand up, please stand up Haha, guess there's a Slim Shady in all of us *** it, let's all stand up *