May I have your attention, please? May I have your attention, please? Will the real Slim Shady please stand up? I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up? We're gonna have a problem here. You act like you've never seen a white person before Jaws all on the floor like Pam and Tommy just burst in the door Started whoopin' her ass worse than before They first were divorced, sewin' over furniture It's the return of the, oh wait, no wait, you're kidding He didn't just say what I think he did, did he? And Dr. Dre said, nothing, you idiots Dr. Dre's dad, he's washin' my basement Feminist women love Eminem Screechy, screechy, think it's Slim Shady I'm sick of him, look at him Walkin' around rappin' as you-know-what Livin' a you-know-who Yeah, but he's so cute, though Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose But no worse than what's goin' on in your parents' bedrooms But sometimes I wanna get on TV and just let loose But, eh, but it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moon My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss And that's the message that we deliver to little kids And expect them not to know what a woman's ass is Of course they're gonna know what intercourse is By the time they hit fourth grade They got the Discovery Channel, don't they? We ain't nothin' but mammals Well, some of us cannibals Who zoop other people open like antelopes But if you can upset animals and antelopes Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote Women, wave your pantyhose Sing the chorus and it grows I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up Please stand up, please stand up Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up Please stand up, please stand up Will Smith don't got a cuss in his raps to sell records Well, I do, so Kim, you too Think I give a damn about a Grammy? Half of you critters can't even stomach me Let alone stand me But Slim, what if you win? Wouldn't it be weird? Why, so you guys can just lie to get me here So you can sit me here next to Britney Spears? Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs So I can sit next to Carson Daly and fret and hurt Hear him argue over who she gave his tooth first Little girl put me on blast on MTV Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Kim I should download her audio on MP3 And show the whole world how you gave Eminem Ah! Sick of you little girl and boy groups All you do is annoy me So I have been sent here to destroy you And there's a million of us just like me Who cuss like me Who don't give a *** like me Who dress like me Who all talk and act like me And just might be the next best thing But not quite me I'm Slim Shady as I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So all the real Slim Shady please stand up Please stand up Cause I'm Slim Shady as I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So all the real Slim Shady please stand up I'm like a head trip to listen to Cause I'm only giving you things to joke about With your friends inside your living room The only difference is I got the *** to say in front of y'all And I don't gotta be bald or sugar coated at all I just get on the mic and spit it And whether you like to admit it I *** better than 90% of you rappers out there Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like values It's funny Cause at the rate I'm going when I'm 30 I'll be the only person in the nursing home flirty Pitching nurses asses when I'm ***ting for jerkins I'm jerking but this whole bag of aggro isn't working And every single person is a Slim Shady lurking You could be working at Burger King Spitting on your onion rings Or in the parking lot circling screaming I don't give a *** with his windows down And his system off So will the real Shady please stand up And put one of those fingers on each hand up And be proud to be out of your mind And out of control And one more time loud as you can How does it go? I'm Slim Shady Yes I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up Please stand up Please stand up Cause I'm Slim Shady Yes I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up Please stand up Please stand up Cause I'm Slim Shady Yes I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up Please stand up Please stand up Cause I'm Slim Shady Yes I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up Please stand up Please stand up Cause I'm Slim Shady Yes I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady Please stand up Please stand up Please stand up Cause I'm Slim Shady Yes I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady Please stand up Please stand up Please stand up Cause I'm Slim Shady Yes I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady Please stand up Please stand up Please stand up Cause I'm Slim Shady Yes I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady Please stand up Please stand up Please stand up Please stand up Please stand up