Vanessa: Dad?
Heinz Doofenshmirtz: Oh, hi, Vanessa!
Vanessa: Dad, what are you doing?
Heinz Doofenshmirtz: Well I'll be honest, I don't really understand
But I fell down this hill now I got glue on my hands
And I got records on my fingers
Kids: Whaaaat?
Heinz Doofenshmirtz: Records on my fingers
I got records on my fingers and I just can't stop
Kids: Don't stop
Heinz Doofenshmirtz: I can't stop. I got a platypus controlling me
Kids: WHAAAAT?
Heinz Doofenshmirtz: I got a platypus controlling me
Now let me sum it up
It was a strange set of circumstances
Kids: Strange set of circumstances?
Heinz Doofenshmirtz: I fell down the hill, I got glue on my hands,
now I got records on my fingers and I just can't stop
Kids: DON'T STOP! DON'T STOP!
Heinz Doofenshmirtz: Well I would if I was able
there's a platypus controlling me, he's underneath the table
Kids: There's a platypus controlling him—WHAAAT?

Kid: Oh I get it, platypus is a metaphor for whatever is keeping you down

Kids: Like corporations are a platypus
The government's a platypus
Your teacher is a platypus
Weird Kid: My teacher is a panda

Kids: Society's a platypus
My parents are a platypus
The media's a platypus
It's all just propaganda
Yeah we've all got platypus controlling us

Heinz Doofenshmirtz: No, just me
Kids: We've all got platypus controlling us
Heinz Doofenshmirtz: I'd stop if I was able
Kids: We've all got platypus controlling us
Heinz Doofenshmirtz: I'm not speaking metaphorically
the platypus controlling me is underneath the table

Wait! Oh wait, no, he's gone!
Heyyy! There's no platypus controlling me...
There's no platypus controlling me!