Once upon a time in a Transylvania wood, lived a vampire in training named Red Riding Hood. She was good at her studies and very well bled, and her folks were so proud that they nicknamed her Red. Are you following me so far? Good, good, good. One night Mama Vampire asked Red to go out, to visit a grandma who had goblin's gout. She gave her a basket of goodies to take, some ghoul juice and pig's feet and spiked rattlesnake. Grandma only had one tooth, but it was a sweet tooth, yeah. Now watch out for werewolves, says Mama to Red, or before you can say Monster Mash, you'll be dead. For everyone knows, with no ifs, ands or buts, that vampires and werewolves hate each other's guts. That's true, you know. Well, Red began walking, and then suddenly, a werewolf appeared from behind a big tree. And he asked, where are you going? And she told, like a fool, cause she thought he was only some friendly old ghoul. Silly girl. To grandma's, you say. I can taste her on rye, yes. Grandma meat first, then some riding hood pie. So the werewolf raced off to Grandma's old shack, where he turned Grandma into a quick midnight snack, like dinner with Drac, yeah. When he put Grandma's clothes on and got into bed, came a knock on the door, and he said, that you, Red? Well, come on in and see Grandma, dear. Hold the door catch, turn the skull and crossbones, and lift up the latch. She swings on in. Then the wolf says, hello, dear child. Why, Grandma, says Red, you have such strange eyes, and your voice is so deep, and your teeth are king size. The better to see you, the better to greet you. And my teeth, the better to eat you. The werewolf jumped up and he pounced upon Red, pounced upon her there. But she fought him, and clawed him, and scratched him till he bled, he bled, her favorite food. A corpuscle cocktail would taste oh so good, says Red. And here's the moral of the story. A well-trained young vampire will always come through at the thought of a possible gallon or two. And later, at home, Red told Mama with glee, those werewolves aren't bad at all, Mama. Booyah, booyah, pardon me, booyah, pardon me, Mama, booyah, booyah, booyah, booyah.
