(difford/tilbrook)
Warning: these lyrics are unconfirmed and may be inaccurate. They represent the best attempt at deciphering the song we have yet to see.

You're like a spot on a neck
You're like a bounce in a cheque
You're like a rip in a parachute
You're like a scratch on a face
You're like a suicide case
Like a hippy playing the spoons - you're a jerk boy
You're like a skid in the pants
You're like an actor at cannes
You're like a car with a broken hose
You're like a coffee that's cold
You're like a joke that's been told
You're like a model with a broken nose - you're a jerk boy
Rool britannia
Britannia rules the waves

You're like a girl with pink eyes
You're like a loser that tries
You're like a dose from a day on the broads
You're like a one armed miner
You're like a mirror designer
You're like a day in the life of a lord - you're a jerk boy

Rool britannia
Britannia rules the waves

You're like a spot on a neck
You're like a bounce in a cheque
You're like a skid in the pants
You're like an actor at cannes
You're like a girl with pink eyes
You're like a loser that tries
You're like a scratch on a face
You're like a suicide case
You're like a coffee that's cold
Just like a joke that's been told
You're a jerk boy

Rool britannia
Britannia rules the waves