I felt sorry for myself, I was so depressed I used to eat too much late at night, anxious and stressed And I drank a lot, shot after shot, so depressed I was puffy and hungover, I needed a little hair to dog, I was such a shaky mess And speaking of hair, let's face it, my hairline had recessed I was bald, fat and drunk, I'd sunk so low, I was depressed Then my wife left me, said I was just too gloomy And I'd a pair of alimony, but she was gonna sue me I was broke, bummed, fat, drunk and all alone, I picked up a phone and called a therapist They put me on Prozac, Paxil, Solof, Wellbutrin and Xanax Then they told me there might be some sexual side effects Now I'm impotent, broke, bald, fat and all alone I'm fifty years old, living in a basement of my momma's home Like a complete unknown, it's no wonder I'm so depressed