I'm Bert, perhaps you've heard of me Bert, you've had word of me Jogging along, hearty and strong Living on plates of fresh air I dress, I dress up in fashion And when I am feeling depressed I shave from my cuff all the whiskers and fluff Stick my hat on and toddle up west I'm Burlington Bertie, I rise at 10.30 And saunter along like a top I walk down the Strand with my gloves on my hand Then I walk down again with a mop I'm all airs and graces, correct easy paces Without food so long I forgot where my face is I'm Bert, Bert, I haven't a shirt But my people are well off, you know Nearly everyone knows me, from Smith to Lord Rosebury I'm Burlington Bertie from birth I smile condescendingly While they're extending me cheer upon cheer When I appear captain with my polo team So strict, so strict are my people They're William the Conqueror's strain If they ever knew I'd been talking to you Why, they'd never look at me again I'm Burlington Bertie, I rise at 10.30 Then saunter along Temple Bar As round there I skip, I keep shouting Pip, pip, and the darn fools think I'm in my car At Rothschild's I swank it, my body I plank it On his front doorstep with the mail for a blanket I'm Bert, Bert, and Rothschild was heard He said, you can't sleep there, I said, oh He said, I'm Rothschild's sonny, I said, that's damn funny I'm Burlington Bertie from birth Now at Buckingham Palace I view I stand in the yard while they're changing the guard And the king shouts across, toodle-oo The Prince of Wales' brother along with some other Slaps me on the back and says, come and see mother I'm Bert, Bert, and royalty's hurt When they ask me to dine I say, no, no I've just had a banana with Lady Diana I'm Burlington Bertie I'm Burlington Bertie from Beau