What a shock to wake up oldWhat idiot said these years are solid goldMy bones make strange noisesMy mind can't rememberIf it's a cold snap in MayOr a warm day in DecemberWhat happened to the girl I used to beShe used to run, she used to skiWhen I think of doing those things nowI think about it just a little more sensiblyOh, the daredevil isn't totally goneShe's still thereShe's just trying to figure outHow many of her injuriesWould be covered by MedicareI've told myself and othersThat age is a state of mindIt depends on how you feelBut today I feel older than MethuselahAnd age is very realYesterday I wore high heels all dayToday they're in the trashThank God they say it's stylish nowTo wear long skirts and flatsThe most important thingMost exercise I getIs climbing back into bed each dayOut of which I slideFrom being lathered from head to toeWith all those creams I diligently applyAnd it's hard on the nervesTo wake each morningIn total despairAnd I look in the mirrorAnd I find those lines are still therePeople my age sayYou wouldn't want to be young againJust look at meLooking at themYou know I wouldYou bet I wouldI would if I only couldI'd relive all those yearsAnd I'd take it real slowBecause too soon youth is oldOr youth is goneAnd you wake up oldBut I've had a good lifeAnd more to come I prayAnd starting this momentI'll cherish each and every dayI'll appreciate each seasonThough quickly they comeAnd be quick to say I love youTo friends and loved onesI would like to sayI'll eat only foods that are good for meWell that's going a little farBaskin Robbins is right down the streetAnd there's gas in the carNo I can't runBut I can walkAnd thanks to God I can seeAnd I can talkYouth is still there in my heartAnd in my mindOh Lord I wish there weren'tSo many stairs to climbThat exercise bicycleI wish would disappearAnd in its place a vibratingLullabyEasy chairI've used all the BengayAnd my muscles still hurtTo heck with the vacuumingWhat's wrong with a little dirtNow I've been thinking aboutThis process of agingAnd all the positive thingsI've been toldBut I have a questionHow come all these articlesAre written by someone 25 years oldI've cancelled my subscription to CosmoAnd subscribed to AARPAnd more of the latter'sMore of the articles in the latterNow seem to apply to meI hadn't meant to write a bookAnd I don't want anyone to get depressedBut at least mine would have some humorAnd that's more than I can say for the restYes there's a lot of drawbacksTo growing oldBut considering the alternativeIt isn't badAnd I've had all these yearsTo store up memoriesAnd for that I'm thankfulAnd I'm gladI have one more statementOh yes I doAnd with thisTo have to look into a magnifying mirrorTo put on makeupIs the living lousy pitsMy sentiments and I'll stick to it