The sky isn't blue, and the ocean's not grand
And string theory is easy to understand
The grass isn't green, and the sun isn't bright
Healthcare will be resolved overnight
The world isn't round, and the Buddha's not Zen
And we both have really good taste in men
And there really is a Black Forest land
Where everyone gets all their ham...

And I swear, I fuckin' swear
I didn't Google you...

Okay, I did, I admit it
It was so easy to do
7, 008 results
And I know everything about you
You're not a sex offender
But you failed home ec in 1997
It really isn't that weird
Come on, we're all adults here...

Everybody Googles each other
Everybody does their Facebook research
It's how we get to know one another
To make sure that we don't get raped.

I don't have any mental disorder
And I don't spend my weekends watching "Law & Order"
It takes forever to get in my pants
This old-fashioned girl likes romance
I am not fearful of being alone
And Zack Morris had a really small phone
Ring ring ring r-ring ring r-ring ring
Cell phones in the '80s...

And I swear, shit fuckin' swear
I didn't Google you...

Okay, I did, I admit it
And I know that you Googled me too
How else would you have known
That my dog contracted herpes?
Sing it again, 'cause this melody
Feels really good to sing
Stop pretending it's taboo
Like masturbation in the '50s...

Everybody Googles each other
Everybody does their Facebook research
It's how we get to know one another
To make sure that you're not in porn.

I do not mean to be jealous already
But who is that girl in those pictures? She's pretty
I think you may have dated her
Or maybe she's your lesbian friend
I see that you got really drunk on your birthday
Was it sadness-related, or were you just thirsty?
I do not mean to make judgments now
But if we date, some things will have to change...

Everybody Googles each other
Everybody does their Facebook research
It's how we get to know one another
To make sure that you don't have cats.