LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY MOUNTAIN HOME
WHERE ALL THE LADIES NAMES ARE JOAN
WHERE HUSBANDS WORK BACK LATE AT NIGHT
HOPES ARE UP FOR TROUSERS DOWN
WITH HOSTESS ON A BUSINESS FLIGHT
TAXI IN A MERCEDES DRIVE
I HOPE THAT DRIVER'S COMING OUT ALIVE
THE GARDEN IS A DORSETTED
THAT LADY - SHE'S SO CORSETED
SHE'S GOT 15 WAYS TO LEAD THAT BOY ASTRAY
HE THINKS HE'S ONE AND ONLY
BUT THAT LOVELY SHE'S SO LONELY
SHE PUMPS HIM FULL OF BREAKFAST AND SHE SENDS HIM ON HIS WAY
WHAT A SING SONG DANCE
WHAT A PERFORMANCE
WHAT A CHEAP TENT SHOW
OH NO NO NO NO NO CHORUS
THEN THE BOYS LIGHT UP
THEN THE BOYS LIGHT UP (X2)
THEN THE BOYS LIGHT UP
THEN THE BOYS LIGHT UP - LIGHT UP - LIGHT UP SILENTLY SHE OPENS THE DRAWER
MOTHERS LITTLE HELPER IS COMING OUT FOR MORE
STRATEGICALLY POSITIONED BEFORE THE MIDDAY SHOW
HER BACK IS ARCHED THOSE LIPS ARE PARCHED
REPEATED BLOW BY BLOW
LATER AT THE PARTY ALL THE MPs RAVE
ABOUT THE HUMMERS SHE'S BEEN GIVING
AND THE MONEY THAT THEY SAVE
TO HER IT IS SKIN LOTION
FOR HIS PROMOTION TO
THAT FLAT IN SURFERS PARADISE WITH THE OCEAN VIEW
WHAT A SING SONG DANCE
WHAT A PERFORMACE
WHAT A CHEAP TEN SHOW
OH NO NO NO NO NO CHORUS